A.C. and I had a “state of the relationship” conversation that lasted for two days, complete with crying, slammed doors and me storming out of A.C.’s apartment for an hour. After two days of discussion, we basically came to the conclusion that A.C. is a loving and devoted girlfriend and that I am an evil, Machiavellian head-fucker.
I’m way too reckless in my own life to be trusted with the emotional well being of another. I’m the last guy you want to hand your heart to and say, “here, take care of this for me.” In just about every relationship I’ve ever been in, there’s a moment where it becomes painfully obvious that I’m a complete cluster-fuck as a boyfriend.
It reminds me of something Henry Rollins once wrote, “Girlfriend? Picture me with a girlfriend.”
It’s times like this, when things get so cereal, it’s like time stops and you can can actually see situations how they truly are. I understand that feeling. I’ve gone through it several times in my life, including the death of my father and the “state of relationship” in my own life. It’s so emotionally and mentally overwhelming but in retrospect, I realize I would never change, that I would never grow with out these experiences.
You are going to grow from this. Just be honest with yourself.
What’s wrong with being single? Maybe you need a break from relationships. Before I got together with my boyfriend, I was on a two year break. No boyfriends, none of that stuff. It really helped me get my head together.