Boy, how technology changes things. Ten years ago, if I met a girl I found attractive, I would of course wonder what she looked like naked. And of course, I’d never know unless we ended up at the same hot tub party, I introduced her to Michael Draga or I succeeded in getting her in bed. So, I met this girl who I think is really hot and totally out of my league. Just by accident, I found a bunch of nude pictures of her on the internet. As I looked at them my old programming kicked in: man, this girl looks amazing, too bad I’m boring, overweight and broke.
Then I had an epiphany: I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX WITH THIS GIRL. AND SO WHAT. If I had Denzel Washington’s face, Tyson Beckford’s body, P. Diddy’s money, could play guitar like Lenny Kravitz and carried an air mattress with me everywhere, there still wouldn’t be enough hours in the day to fuck all the women I want to fuck. So with my acne, complete lack of abs and student loan debt, it’s not a realistic goal. And think of all the worthwhile things I could do with that time.
I haven’t had sex in three and a half months, and it’s one of the best decisions I could have made at this point in my life. I made the decision to stop having sex before the pregnancy scare with Don’t Answer Girl, but that really cemented it in my mind.
I’ve learned so much about myself and my way of relating to women since I stopped chasing them. I realized that for years, as soon as I met a woman, in the back of my mind I was wondering would she sleep with me. And if not, why not? What’s wrong with me? If she had a husband or a boyfriend I wondered if she would sleep with me if she was single. And if she was single, why hadn’t she slept with me? If I was convinced that a woman would never sleep with me, it had a negative effect on how I felt in her presence. This is something I never noticed before.
The whole world looks different to me. I imagine this is a mild version of how the world looks to an alcoholic once he becomes sober. Now when I talk to a girl I can actually listen to what she’s saying, rather than just data-mining her conversation for clues on how to get her in bed. When I talk, I can say what’s on my mind and be honest rather that weighing everything I want to say on whether it will help or hurt my chances with her.
Now, if I see I girl that I like in a good relationship, I’m happy for her. Not just jealous. Now when I ask a girl how things are going with her significant other, I’m not secretly hoping that they’ve broken up.
At thirty-two, I’m finally starting to feel like a real person.
It’s scary though. For so long I defined myself through sex. Now that I’m not getting it or chasing it, it’s hard to know who the fuck I am.
wow
Just, wow. It’s been nearly 2 years since I last had sex and I never even think about it.
Why did you define yourself through the sexual interest of others?
I like hearing my name in the 3rd person, it makes me feel bigger than life, Thanks.
The “true confessions” is quite interesting and informative too.
Good for you. Epiphanies like this can be painful but they incredibly enlightening.
Re: wow
He’s a guy.
Re: wow
Low self esteem
Re: wow
Yeah, that too.
Two Years !?!
Two Years? Can you see in infra-red yet? Can you walk through walls?
Man, if I go two years without sex, I better get heat vision or something out of the deal.
Re: wow
Really? I’m so sorry… ((HUGS)) You’re better than that but, you have to decide that for yourself. xoxo
Re: Two Years !?!
Two Years?
Just happened that way. Before my last partner, I decided that I wouldn’t sleep with anyone I didn’t want to be with for the rest of my life. It didn’t work out with him, when I was SO certain he was The One, and I’m just done.
That, and I now equate sex with certain humiliation and unrealized expectations. That makes it really unattractive, but that’s just me. ;P
You don’t need to assume they’re out of your league, you just need to realize that it’s mostly out of your control. I’ve slept with a variety of women that I considered to be out of my league, but I never expected it to happen. I just stopped trying a long time ago, and life’s been much better. It happens when it happens, and usually happens quite well, but I don’t worry about it.
Of course, I’ve got a gorgeous woman that I plan to marry, so my opinion probably doesn’t count.
Feels great, eh? 🙂 …also, you have acne? I’ve never noticed.
Hmmm…
I think you give yourself far too little credit…
You are a smart, funny, beautiful (& the list goes on) man…
I have never seen you as overweight… or noticed any acne…
It is good to hear your strength coming out though… you (as am I and everyone else out there, of course) are so much more than your sexual being/prowess/etc…
My personal theory… perhaps at least some of those women are only out of your league because you see them as such? (Did that make sense outside of my head?) I know that self-confidence goes a long way with me… not arrogant cockiness… oh… you know what I mean… right???