The Grand Slam

I went to the grand slam at Rhythm and Brews coffee house tonight. For those that don’t know, this is a huge poetry slam to pick the members of the St. Louis Slam Team who will go to the National Poetry Slam this year. Now, ordinarily, this is the part of the entry where I hate on Kevin, but I can’t front. In spite of being a pretty reprehensible human being, I have to give him his credit. He, Mike, Stephanie, Daniel and Peter have taken slam and run with it.

This 16-year-old girl from the U City Youth Slam Team won first place. She was amazing. I can’t believe someone could be that fucking talented at 16. That’s just scary.

It’s weird going out as a single person. This is the first time I’ve been single for more than a week in almost five years. It’s given me this weird sense of humility. When I go out, I spend the first 15 minutes checking out the chicks and thinking, “yeah, I could pull that. I could pull that.” and the next several hours not speaking to anyone and not entertaining the notion that anyone is at all interested in me. I just kinda pretend to disappear and try not to call any attention to myself.

The only person I said more than eight words to was and I’ve known her all of a week. Meanwhile there were people there that I’ve known for 10 years who I barely acknowledged.

I had the same conversation with Peter Sparks that I have every time I see him. He tells me that I should start performing again and I nod. Usually when I go to poetry slams I miss performing, but not so much now. It sounds head-up-my-ass cliche, but I don’t write poetry or perform anymore because I don’t need to. I wrote poetry at a time when writing and performing poetry literally saved my life. I’m just not on that frequency anymore and I haven’t learned how to fake it.

As a side note: at last week’s slam, Kevin showed me a picture of his daughter. The first words that came out of my mouth after I looked at it: “I hope you don’t fuck her life up.”

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12 Comments

  1. why do you go to the poetry slams? It seems that there are always people there who upset you. your posts about it are always akin to a surreal, uncomfortable dream. I know it’s none of my business but I wondered what it is that is a positive experience for you.
    I understand about not feeling the need to perfomr and everyone bugging you about it. That’s what happens to me when I haven’t done any theatre productions for a while – people think I am sick or something, or wasting my life and talent. we all need a break – especially from the stuff that comes from deep down inside.

  2. well, you did speak to me, unsolicited
    and IF you did perform, you could show others that there are MORE topics in SLAM than some of the narrow unorigional ones spoken last night
    It was good to see those who I have known since the days of the Wabash Triangle Cafe

  3. It sounds head-up-my-ass cliche, but I don’t write poetry or perform anymore because I don’t need to.
    I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. If you aren’t beign visited by the muse then why stress. That’s the kind of thing that often relies on inpiration and that can’t be faked, as you said.

  4. Thanks so much for coming last night. Seeing you there made me less nervous. It was so cool to see a friendly face esp since one of the people who made the team expressed sentiments which amounted to ‘you don’t have a chance’, minutes before I went up.

  5. one of the people who made the team expressed sentiments which amounted to ‘you don’t have a chance’, minutes before I went up.
    What an ass hat. People like that totally have lost what slamming is all about in my opinion. It’s not a fucking reality TV game show. It’a about the art and the community.
    Anyway, I’m glad my presence was positive for you. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.

  6. If I avoided all situations where I ran into people I don’t like, I’d never go to poetry slams, art openings, film festivals, parties, familly dinners or to work. Fact of the matter is, with the exception of work, I’ve skipped all of the above on occasion for that very reason. I’ve been to like, four or five slams in the past year, where I used to go to them at least once a week. I’m not gonna let a couple ass hats keep me from hearing some good poetry.
    What theatre productions were you in? If you’re local maybe I’ve seen you in something.

  7. Yeah. I’m 32, I have have a full time job and health insurance. I’m not the same 19-year-old with no money who hated women and stayed up for days writing poetry. As much as I miss him I’m not sure I wanna be him again.

  8. Thanks man, a lot. My sentiments precisely, I usually don’t let this sorta nonsense get to me, but consider the source; if it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t’ve even been there, and she knows it.
    I keep remembering what my 1st 8th grade lit teacher told our class, when we were being inordinately obnoxious:
    “Talent will only fuel your trip; being an ass will siphon all the gas from your tank…”

  9. GRRR!
    wow. i cannot believe she did that and i cannot believe i was right!
    okay then.
    she kept telling me that she wished i would have competed.
    whatever; i don’t like performing for that crowd too much.
    -nb, but too lazy to log in
    p.s. hi david! hope this isn’t too creepy . . .

  10. Re: GRRR!
    Thanks nikki!
    Why couldn’t we have been on better terms when we went to SF for youth nationals!
    I had a dream last night where were back in SF and everything was the same except we were laughing all time. Alex bit the chick from Providence’s tongue, so she sued him and my mock trial coach was his attorney and did a slam poem for his closing statement. When ever things got boring, Jason Matteo would pop out and say Wis-KAN-sin!

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