I’m finally starting to enjoy this whole getting older thing. This weekend was probably the first time I’ve felt comfortable with being in my thirties. For one thing, although I put out this vibe that I don’t care what anyone thinks, I have a narcotic dependence on the acceptance of others. It’s actually a pretty paralyzing desire for approval. I want everyone to want me for their best friend or I feel rejected. For example, if I met someone and didn’t have enough in common with them, I thought it meant I didn’t have enough hobbies. I’m finally starting to realize that there are a million reasons why someone might merely be polite or even indifferent towards me that have nothing to do with me being boring, or stupid or lame. I’m starting to look at the friendships that I have as a gift rather than focus on all the perceived rejections.
My sex drive is starting to wane as I get older and initially I was terrified by this. My identity was so tied to my sex life that I wondered who I would be if I wasn’t the guy who was always trying to fuck everyone. Over a period of time (and I’m talking 7 years) I’ve come to realize that even if they were all willing and available, there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to fuck all the women I want to fuck and even if I could, the best sex I haven’t had yet is probably only marginally better the best sex I’ve already had.
I’m finally starting to come around to the fact that I can relax and be myself without completely reevaluating my life based on what I think other people think of me. Did I mention I’m 33?
As I’ve said a thousand times before, I adore you regardless.
all good stuff. I am also 33, and I have had similar issues “growing up”. I am currently reading Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, which addresses a lot of these insecurity issues.
smooch
Is that by the guy who wrote Life 101?
Now that I’m over being all jealous of your boyfriend, we should all hang out some time.