Tough Love? How About “No Love?”

I don’t recall Dr. Leo Buscaglia calling people “chimps” and “pigs.”

In which me and the folks at Modern Poly try to have a civilized conversation about polyamory with Steve Ward of VH1’s “Tough Love,” and fail, miserably.

[Editor’s Note: The order of some comments has been changed to preserve continuity. Also, Twitter abbreviations have been expanded to full words. Every effort has been made to preserve the character of the original conversation.]

Dramatis Personae:

Steve Ward: Match maker, relationship “expert” and host of “Tough Love” on VH1. 

Modern Poly: A website for those in the polyamorous lifestyle and non-profit poly advocacy organization. 

David Wraith: Co-founder of Sex Positive St. Louis and self-described “free-range, poly man-whore.” 

Kass: Some innocent person on Twitter who inadvertently started it all.

Kass:  Steven Ward, what are your thoughts on polyamory? Can these types of relationships work?

Steve Ward: Almost never. It’s always hypocritical.

Modern Poly: Why do you see polyamory as hypocritical?

Steve Ward: Jealously invariably arises. It’s usually about wanting the cake and having it too. 

David Wraith: ‏I still don’t see how poly relationships are hypocritical.  

Steve Ward: If you don’t mind your girls bangin’ other guys, I guess it’s not. 

David Wraith: I can handle my “partners” having other sexual partners, yes. I don’t have any “girls.”

Steve Ward: But it’s still a little nasty, unsafe and more likely to fail than monogamous ones as soon as she one ups you. 

David Wraith: Are you basing this on facts or assumptions and stereotypes? 

Steve Ward: With all due respect I can’t argue about relationship dynamics with someone who describes themselves as you do. [With this he includes a link to the “About Me” section of my website: /about-me-contact/]

Steve Ward: Now I’ve got followers calling me a bigot because I see statistics show open sexual relationships increase the risk of STDs and emotional breakdowns.

David Wraith: For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a bigot. I think you and Dr. Drew Pinsky do great work. I just wish you both knew more about healthy alternative sexual communities so we wouldn’t feel marginalized by you.

Steve Ward: Consensual but alternative relationships stand most vulnerable to interfering dissenters who couldn’t care less about you. 

David Wraith: ‏I agree. I assume you include yourself among the “interfering dissenters who couldn’t care less about you.”

Steve Ward: I love how people beg for bullshit to justify their impulses. Just admit you don’t give a shit about love, faith, any of it and you’re a horny chimpanzee. 

David Wraith: NOW you sound like a bigot. I was really enjoying this discussion until now. Can I politely request you try to be less of a dick?

[At one point the conversation turned to sexually transmitted infections.] 

Steve Ward: Do diseased swingers say, I got this from being a pig swinger? No. They probably LIE! 

David Wraith: Lots of name calling and insults. Wow, you really disappoint me. This could have been an intelligent discussion. 

Modern Poly: ‏I was willing to assume conversation with Steve Ward would stay on topic. Tactics remind me of Anne Coulter

Modern Poly: Actually we didn’t know who Steve Ward is. Too busy being a non-profit polyamory advocacy organization.

Steve Ward: ‏”Non-profit” doesn’t mean “no revenue.” Sounds like a well salaried pimp.

David Wraith: ‏As a professional match maker, doesn’t that make you a better salaried pimp? 

Steve Ward: Touché. Ha ha ha ha!

David Wraith: Let’s end on a laugh. Good day, sir.

I love how ppl beg 4 bullshit 2 justify their impulses. Just admit u don’t give a shit about love, faith, any of it & ur a horny chimpanzee.

— Steve Ward (@stevenbward) August 16, 2012