Those of you who are local may have already heard about this. Last Thursday, one of my co-workers was murdered. Her ex-husband shot her, shot her mother and then shot himself. Only the mother survived. I didn’t know her, other than to say hi and bye.
At work on Friday morning we went in groups to see a grief counselor. A lot of people that I work with didn’t know her as it’s a large and not all that closely knit company. Just luck of the draw that I went to the counselor with the people who sat by her some of whom were hired with her. I don’t think I’m violating the confidentiality agreement to say that a couple of the women in my counseling session had been battered wives themselves and both had long since left their abusive husbands.
Listening to their stories and hearing about my co-workers murder stirred up some shit in me.
Me and my ex, Jessie were together, off an on, for six years. I thought she was the one. When I was 22, she was living somewhere in rural Missouri and we decided she was gonna come back to St. Louis and we were going get a place together. So I’m looking for an apartment for us and thinking: this is it. Shortly there after I get a phone message from her that she was leaving me. She dropped off the face of the earth and I never spoke to her again.
wow
Do you think you need to see a counselor about your behavior, or are you no longer being violent with your partners?
I’m glad you recognize the behavior, and hopefully can stop yourself before you get too out of control.
My dad beat the fvck out of my mother for years. I still have nightmares about her being in danger and me being unable to save her…I guess that sh!t never goes away.
You were aged 16 through 22 when you dated Jessie, and, as the saying goes, young-and-stupid is one word.
But, man, you put a gun to her head and pulled the trigger… and then you can’t understand how she would think you could shoot someone in the head? That goes beyond stupid into some really deep denial.
Why did you choose to continue to be in a relationship with a woman who cheated on you, who was psychologically and emotionally abusive to you?
That’s like going into business with somebody who you know is going to embezzle, then getting all upset when he embezzles, then handing him the checkbook all over again!
Do you realize that your free choice to continue in that relationship did not give you the right to be just as psycho, cheating, etc as she was? Do you realize that your free choice to continue in that relationship did not give you the right to hit her, or to put a gun to her head?
You’re still “about 95% sure” that she left you because she was selfish and indecisive and just not interested in you! But the reality is that she was very, very interested in you — after all, you threatened to kill her but she still wanted to be in a relationship with you? She must have thought you were the very best man in the world for her, to put up with that shit from you. Yeah, she was indecisive. She might have been selfish, too. But she cut off all contact because she finally decided that it was better to be alive, even without you, than dead.
I mean, do you realize just how messed up you were at the time? It sounds like you are just now coming to realize it… and the reality check you’re going to get from people who read this is going to startle you, because you’re still blocking and denying a lot of it. If you’re lucky, it’s going to hurt. That’s good, because it won’t hurt only if you’re still denying reality.