Very Picky

I’m very good at seducing women. After years of being terrible at it, I’ve found my footing. I’ve got game. What’s more, I’ve got game that doesn’t feel like game. Zen game. Stealth game. It’s almost surgical. I’ve had hard-to-get women trying to get me in bed, and convinced that it was all their idea. I’m sure some of the women I’ve been with are reading this and laughing their asses off (ha – ha, the joke’s on you, ‘cause you fucked me). Anyway, I say all this not to brag, but to make a point: I’m good at seducing women; terrible at seducing men.

At least I was tonight. There’s this transgender that I’ve had a crush on for years and never had the stones to talk to. Tonight, I purposely went to this place s/he was likely to be and there s/he was. S/he was talking to this girl that I sort of know, but not well enough to be all like “hey, how’s it going” and get an introduction. So I sat at the table next to them and tried in vain to be noticed. The one time s/he and I locked eyes, I gave what I thought sure was a smoldering, come hither look, but I could tell by his/her reaction that it must have read like homophobic distain. You have to be careful when you’re courting society’s unwanted children because they’re looking for heat. S/he looked back at me and I recognized the look. I’ve given it to plenty of cops and to people who stare at me when they see me holding hands with a white chick.

Now don’t get me wrong. If I just wanted dick, I could be getting it twice daily. But when it comes to specific guys that I’m into, I’m all thumbs. It’s like trying to write left handed.

Two quotes come to mind:

“Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I bi? Then I realized, no, I’m just slutty.” – Margaret Cho

Man: How can you be a nymphomaniac and a virgin?
Woman: I’m very picky. – from Hal Hartley’s The Amateur