Okay, I’ve spent a good portion of the last couple of days having sexual fantasies about a particular woman who is absolutely off limits. Not just fantasies about having sex with her, but fantasies about having violent, sweaty, angry, blood-letting, dark, psychologically damaging, fuck-up-my-life-immediately and feel-the-negative-repercussions-for-years-to-come sex. The only kind of sex the two of us could ever have.
Logically I know it’s not a possibility and that it wouldn’t be worth the risk even if it were. So why can’t I stop thinking about it. It’s so fucked up; I can’t even jerk-off to it, or anything else lately.
According to Kierkegard, the moment you realize there are things you cannot do, you are no longer free. I guess freedom is overrated.