Okay, all you non-believers out there will think me naïve, but I don’t care. The God that I believe in is large enough to encompass an indifferent supreme being who created the earth the moon and the stars as well as a nurturing God who gets directly or indirectly involved in the mundane details of us mere mortals and our lives. Call it karma, call it the collective unconscious, call it the universe, I choose to call her God.
God is trying to tell me something and I alternate between listening very carefully and putting on my headphones and cranking up MC Paul Barman. I really believe there are times when the person sitting across the table from me stops speaking, their mouths keep moving and sound still comes out, but they are just letting God speak through them. I used to get this feeling maybe once in a year. Lately, I’ve gotten it four times in one week.
The message I’m getting is that I need to re-evaluate and change my life, up to, including and beyond my attitude toward women. I need to start seeing women as and end in themselves and not just a means to get laid. The older I get the more I look at woman as mere dick receptacles. I used to be deeper than this. I need to read some Aristotle or some Martin Buber or something. I need to flip the script, but I’m not sure how. The obvious solution would be to give up sex for a while, but there’s got to be a better way, damn it! Besides, as soon as I decide to stop chasing pussy, women start lobbing pussy at my head like the biscuits a Lambert’s Restaurant in Sikeston.
A lot of this is guilt talking. There’s this girl that I have this unexplainable connection with. For the last couple of years she’s been seeing a really good friend of mine and I successfully turned off my attraction for her like a faucet for as long as they’ve been together. See, I am cable of that type of loyalty. I’m not made out of wood, people! Anyway. I recently heard the she may be on the market again and I immediately started flirting with her. It wasn’t even a decision on my part; it was unconscious, which worries me. I’ve always been a little leery of guys who seem to be on “try-to-get-laid mode” by default, and now I’ve turned into one.
Now, I realize that innocently flirting with an almost single woman is, in comparison to baby-rape or mass murder, pretty low on the list of sins. Still, I feel kinda’ like a heel.