Fat Women with Amazing Sex Lives: Lola

Lola, producer, and host of Sex Ed A Go-Go David Wraith: What makes your sex life amazing? Lola: I’m at a place in my life where I feel more comfortable in my body and it’s ability to be sexy while naked, and I’ve gotten better at choosing who I share that with. I’m still a big […]

Men Are Garbage, #MeToo

    “Oh look, another cishet male with thoughts about the #MeToo movement! Make a wish, sweetheart.” [If you get through all 1,200 words without being offended by something, let me know and I’ll revise.] I’m not a Men Right’s Activist, and I’m not a Male Feminist™ [‘cause Male Feminists™ are the worst! AmIright, ladies?] […]

Fat Women with Amazing Sex Lives: Hanne Blank

Hanne Blank, author of and editor of several books, including Big Big Love and The Unapologetic Fat Girl’s Guide to Exercise. David Wraith: Without going into specifics, what makes your sex life amazing? Hanne Blank: Getting clear with myself on what I wanted sexually made all the difference to the quality of my sex life.  It […]

Coming Soon: Fat Women with Amazing Sex Lives

  Okay, some of you are already in your feels from the headline, I’m sure. Why “fat?” Why “women?” Why “sex?” Why not “Plus Sized People with Amazing Love Lives?” Let’s break it down, shall we? Fat: We have all sorts of euphemisms to describe people of size: plus-sized, pleasantly plump, big-boned, BBW, plush. And […]

An Open Letter to Straight, White, Cisgender Men

An Open Letter to Straight, White, Cisgender Men,   CC: Christians, the Able Bodied, etc. Hey, How you guys doing? I understand some of you are feeling some kinda way about that women’s only screening of Wonder Woman. Here’s the thing. Throughout our nation’s history, from the dawn of the republic to eleven seconds ago, […]

Single-Breasted Swimsuits, Topless Equality & Body Image

[Author’s Note: This blog started out as a quick shout-out to the folks behind Monokini, a line of single-breasted swimsuits, but has since morphed into a rant about topless equality, gender identity and body image. Just watch my feet for a minute, I promise there’s a point to all this.] Monokini is a social art project […]

The Rape Dialogues

A sign from SlutWalk St. Louis 2012

What do you do when the guy you believe raped your friend calls you out of the blue?

Some of you remember this post. A friend of mine accused a guy I know of raping her. I believed her. I confronted him. He denied it. I sought no further contact with him. Fast forward six months or so, he calls me on the phone “to catch up,” and says that we never talk anymore and “that’s a shame.”

I say, “Well, that’s one to look at it. Another way would be that in our last conversation, I accused you of raping someone. Rape accusations have a way of ending relationships.” Amazingly enough, a civil conversation took place after this. He asked me to do him a favor, and while my knee jerk reaction was to tell him to go fuck himself, the favor only required a small amount of my time and a couple dollars of my money, so I complied. I used the opportunity to encourage him to seek counseling and also to invite him to and anti-violence against women event that I am co-hosting.

I also sent him a link to this awesome post on the Captain Awkward blog about “creepers and proto-rapists” and asked him to read it. That article inspired the conversation below.

To his credit, the man in question did not oppose me posting our correspondence publically. I have removed his name and other identifying characteristics. For the sake of her privacy, I will refer to the woman who made the initial rape allegation as “Jane,” which is not her real name.  The order of some comments has been changed to preserve the continuity of a conversation that took place via instant message. Without further editorial comment, here is the conversation in almost its entirety.


Him: I have read your article about the creepers.

My first thought is that you spend a lot more time thinking about my dick and what I do with it than I ever have yours, which is a little hard to do sense yours is almost a public forum.

Second was to evaluate why you want me to read it. This is coming from Jane asking to crash at my place? Or more?

Me: Yes and more. Other women coming to me (unsolicited) with stories about you. Women have told me that they don’t want to come to my events because they saw you on my Facebook friends list and question how I could associate with someone like you. Please believe, I don’t go around asking women what they think of you. They bring this stuff to me. Women I didn’t even know you knew. 

So, yes, it’s more than Jane, but when one of my best friends of 15 years says you fucked her in her sleep, that’s kind of significant in and of itself. 

And, I can honestly say, I have never thought about your dick in anything but the abstract until just now. Thanks for that. But, come on, “you spend a lot more time thinking about my dick and what I do with it than I ever have yours” is a pretty lame response under the circumstances. Even from you.

On Choosing Your Targets

The best photo of Rush I could find. Source krmg.com.

I read this article by Kirsten Powers on the Daily Beast. It’s being circulated on the internet by conservatives in response to the uproar over Rush Limbaugh calling Sandra Fluke a slut. Powers’ premise is that it’s hypocritical for the left to call for boycotts of Limbaugh for his sexism when she can cite sexist comments by left leaning pundits like Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Ed Schultz, Bill Maher, and Matt Taibbi.

Surprisingly, I don’t entirely disagree. I do give Bill Maher something of a pass, because rightly or wrongly, I think of him primarily as a comedian. Howard Stern is way to the right of me and I give him a pass as well because his sexism, racism and homophobia are at least funny. I also think it’s a stretch when Powers cites Matt Taibbi calling Michelle Bachmann “bat-shit crazy” as proof of sexism. There’s nothing gender specific about “bat-shit crazy,” so it’s only sexist if all things being equal, he wouldn’t use the same language about a man. Anyone who followed Taibbi’s coverage of the Bush administration or John McCain’s 2008 presidential campaign would agree that there’s nothing unique in his treatment of Bachmann.

As far as Powers’ criticism of the Matthews, Olbermann and Schultz, well, I’m the last guy to defend them. Anyone who follows me on Facebook or Twitter probably knows how useless I think the non-Rachel Maddow line-up at MSNBC is. Although, I will say, there is one glaring omission in Powers’ article. All the examples of sexism that she points to by left leaning pundits, indefensible as most of it is, is directed at politicians or other pundits: Hilary Clinton, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Michelle Malkin, etc. Not exactly shrinking violets, these ladies; all of them entered political and public life of their own free will, all must have known that taking slings and arrows came with the job and all have thrown their own jabs at their political opponents. You won’t have to look hard to find equally inflammatory remarks from right wing pundits against Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Michelle Obama or Rachel Maddow. Lou Dobbs once called Maddow a “tea-bagging queen, “whatever that means.