You know that scene in the movie about the 40-something guy having a midlife crisis where he goes to hear live music and looks really out of place and he’s Paul Rudd? That’s me. So, I’m at a live music venue for the first time in forever. This white woman puts her hand in the […]
Everybody has a Thug Uncle. Thug Uncle thinks he looks really good in that white cotton tank top. Thug Uncle has resting Angry Black Man Face. No one is allowed to touch the grill except Thug Uncle. You will never know the secret of Thug Uncle’s collard greens. Thug Uncle has never been married. Or, […]
Are you going to take this quiz? Are you going to post the results on Facebook? If you answered yes to both questions:
MSNBC commentator, Krystal ball Another incredibly geeky conversation between me and my roommate. Me: Who’s that? Andy: Krystal Ball. Me: Her face is perfectly symmetrical. It’s like she was designed by Stanley Kubrick. Andy: She’s Kubrickian!
My roommate, Andy, and I have lived together so long that we’ve developed a style of communication that few other people could understand. For example, this exchange on the color blue. Me: That’s really blue. Andy: It’s like “Dante Spinotti Blue.” Me: I was going to say it was “Janusz Kaminsky Blue.” Andy: No, it’s […]
BRUCE BANNER (VOICE OVER)
Dear Director Fury: We accept that we all had to give up being the stars of our own movies in order to save the world. However, we think you’re
crazy to ask us to write an essay on who we think we are. You see
us as you want to see us, on the simplest terms and the most convenient
definitions. But, what we discovered today is that each one of us is a monster…
CAPTAIN AMERICA (VOICE OVER)
…and a super soldier…
BLACK WIDOW (VOICE OVER)
…and a spy…
THOR (VOICE OVER)
…and a demi-god…
HAWKEYE (VOICE OVER)
…and an assassin…
IRON MAN (VOICE OVER)
…and a genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist.
BRUCE BANNER
Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Avengers.
Photo by Kholood Eid, for the Riverfront TimesThis picture was taken at the “No Pants Subway Ride St. Louis.” I had the following conversation with the woman in the picture and just had to share. Me: I thought I recognized that ass. Her: David, did you recognize the legs next to me? I never realized he had […]
My friend Rexy is so funny, I had to give her a blog category of her own. She has graduated from “Shit Women Say To Me.” The following conversation took place in bed: Rexy: I want to take a box-cutter, peel your skin off and take it home with me. Me: Um… why? Rexy: Because I love the way […]