The Rape Dialogues

A sign from SlutWalk St. Louis 2012

What do you do when the guy you believe raped your friend calls you out of the blue?

Some of you remember this post. A friend of mine accused a guy I know of raping her. I believed her. I confronted him. He denied it. I sought no further contact with him. Fast forward six months or so, he calls me on the phone “to catch up,” and says that we never talk anymore and “that’s a shame.”

I say, “Well, that’s one to look at it. Another way would be that in our last conversation, I accused you of raping someone. Rape accusations have a way of ending relationships.” Amazingly enough, a civil conversation took place after this. He asked me to do him a favor, and while my knee jerk reaction was to tell him to go fuck himself, the favor only required a small amount of my time and a couple dollars of my money, so I complied. I used the opportunity to encourage him to seek counseling and also to invite him to and anti-violence against women event that I am co-hosting.

I also sent him a link to this awesome post on the Captain Awkward blog about “creepers and proto-rapists” and asked him to read it. That article inspired the conversation below.

To his credit, the man in question did not oppose me posting our correspondence publically. I have removed his name and other identifying characteristics. For the sake of her privacy, I will refer to the woman who made the initial rape allegation as “Jane,” which is not her real name.  The order of some comments has been changed to preserve the continuity of a conversation that took place via instant message. Without further editorial comment, here is the conversation in almost its entirety.

 

Him: I have read your article about the creepers.

My first thought is that you spend a lot more time thinking about my dick and what I do with it than I ever have yours, which is a little hard to do sense yours is almost a public forum.

Second was to evaluate why you want me to read it. This is coming from Jane asking to crash at my place? Or more?

Me: Yes and more. Other women coming to me (unsolicited) with stories about you. Women have told me that they don’t want to come to my events because they saw you on my Facebook friends list and question how I could associate with someone like you. Please believe, I don’t go around asking women what they think of you. They bring this stuff to me. Women I didn’t even know you knew. 

So, yes, it’s more than Jane, but when one of my best friends of 15 years says you fucked her in her sleep, that’s kind of significant in and of itself. 

And, I can honestly say, I have never thought about your dick in anything but the abstract until just now. Thanks for that. But, come on, “you spend a lot more time thinking about my dick and what I do with it than I ever have yours” is a pretty lame response under the circumstances. Even from you.

The Kubrickian Hotness of Krystal Ball

MSNBC commentator, Krystal ball Another incredibly geeky conversation between me and my roommate.  Me: Who’s that?  Andy: Krystal Ball. Me: Her face is perfectly symmetrical. It’s like she was designed by Stanley Kubrick. Andy: She’s Kubrickian!

Tough Love? How About “No Love?”

In which me and the folks at Modern Poly try to have a civilized conversation about polyamory with Steve Ward of VH1’s “Tough Love,” and fail, miserably. [Editor’s Note: The order of some comments has been changed to preserve continuity. Also, Twitter abbreviations have been expanded to full words. Every effort has been made to preserve the […]

David and Andy on the Color Blue

My roommate, Andy, and I have lived together so long that we’ve developed a style of communication that few other people could understand. For example, this exchange on the color blue. Me: That’s really blue. Andy: It’s like “Dante Spinotti Blue.” Me: I was going to say it was “Janusz Kaminsky Blue.” Andy: No, it’s […]

10 Naked Days

WARNING: If you are a blood relative or know me from church, you may not want to read this blog or follow the links herein. I’ve decided to keep my website and my Facebook feed, relatively work safe. On my Tumblr, however, anything goes. So, for those of you who are not easily offended, you may […]

How The Avengers Should Have Ended

BRUCE BANNER (VOICE OVER)

Dear Director Fury: We accept that we all had to give up being the stars of our own movies in order to save the world. However, we think you’re

crazy to ask us to write an essay on who we think we are. You see

us as you want to see us, on the simplest terms and the most convenient

definitions. But, what we discovered today is that each one of us is a monster…

 

              CAPTAIN AMERICA (VOICE OVER)

…and a super soldier…

 

              BLACK WIDOW (VOICE OVER)

…and a spy…

 

              THOR (VOICE OVER)

…and a demi-god…

 

              HAWKEYE (VOICE OVER)

…and an assassin…

 

              IRON MAN (VOICE OVER)

…and a genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist.

 

              BRUCE BANNER

 Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Avengers.

 

On Choosing Your Targets

The best photo of Rush I could find. Source krmg.com.

I read this article by Kirsten Powers on the Daily Beast. It’s being circulated on the internet by conservatives in response to the uproar over Rush Limbaugh calling Sandra Fluke a slut. Powers’ premise is that it’s hypocritical for the left to call for boycotts of Limbaugh for his sexism when she can cite sexist comments by left leaning pundits like Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Ed Schultz, Bill Maher, and Matt Taibbi.

Surprisingly, I don’t entirely disagree. I do give Bill Maher something of a pass, because rightly or wrongly, I think of him primarily as a comedian. Howard Stern is way to the right of me and I give him a pass as well because his sexism, racism and homophobia are at least funny. I also think it’s a stretch when Powers cites Matt Taibbi calling Michelle Bachmann “bat-shit crazy” as proof of sexism. There’s nothing gender specific about “bat-shit crazy,” so it’s only sexist if all things being equal, he wouldn’t use the same language about a man. Anyone who followed Taibbi’s coverage of the Bush administration or John McCain’s 2008 presidential campaign would agree that there’s nothing unique in his treatment of Bachmann.

As far as Powers’ criticism of the Matthews, Olbermann and Schultz, well, I’m the last guy to defend them. Anyone who follows me on Facebook or Twitter probably knows how useless I think the non-Rachel Maddow line-up at MSNBC is. Although, I will say, there is one glaring omission in Powers’ article. All the examples of sexism that she points to by left leaning pundits, indefensible as most of it is, is directed at politicians or other pundits: Hilary Clinton, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Michelle Malkin, etc. Not exactly shrinking violets, these ladies; all of them entered political and public life of their own free will, all must have known that taking slings and arrows came with the job and all have thrown their own jabs at their political opponents. You won’t have to look hard to find equally inflammatory remarks from right wing pundits against Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Michelle Obama or Rachel Maddow. Lou Dobbs once called Maddow a “tea-bagging queen, “whatever that means.