This year as an April Fools’ Day prank, Spartan Mentality Gym in Denmark announced it was offering Nude CrossFit sessions. They even provided photos showing some rather bicepsual gentlemen working out at the gym completely naked. Well, almost two months later, and outside the context of April Fools’ when our bullshit detectors are highly active, a website […]
Are you going to take this quiz? Are you going to post the results on Facebook? If you answered yes to both questions:
Presenting on power exchange at Hustler Hollywood. I have an unprecedented number of speaking engagements lined up for the first three months of this year. I feel like I’ve gotten pretty good at public speaking in the last few years, but I’m always looking for ways to kick my skills up a notch, so I’m […]
Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” didn’t kill music video, it just inspired this post mortem. The strange relationship between art, commerce and technology is nothing new. Early burlesque performers probably had no idea what they were getting themselves into the first time someone asked to point one of those newfangled motion picture cameras at them. Then […]
Photo by Sara A. Finke I didn’t know Bob Reuter, but like so many other people, I was inspired by him. I first became aware of him through his work as a photographer. His photographs of some of South City’s favorite denizens in South City’s favorite haunts were at once contemporary (especially if you knew […]
Yet another post about Trayvon Martin. Add it to your collection. Amass the whole set. Watching the L.A. riots, I was so sad I almost cried. I felt the same way watching the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. It usually takes devastation on a pretty mass scale to move me even close to tears for people […]
For better or for worse, my new hobby seems to be getting in online debates with white people about the Trayvon Martin case. Fact is, I’m not following the case very closely and the sad part is, to counter most of the arguments I’m hearing, I don’t need to. The thing that gets stuck […]
What do you do when the guy you believe raped your friend calls you out of the blue?
Some of you remember this post. A friend of mine accused a guy I know of raping her. I believed her. I confronted him. He denied it. I sought no further contact with him. Fast forward six months or so, he calls me on the phone “to catch up,” and says that we never talk anymore and “that’s a shame.”
I say, “Well, that’s one to look at it. Another way would be that in our last conversation, I accused you of raping someone. Rape accusations have a way of ending relationships.” Amazingly enough, a civil conversation took place after this. He asked me to do him a favor, and while my knee jerk reaction was to tell him to go fuck himself, the favor only required a small amount of my time and a couple dollars of my money, so I complied. I used the opportunity to encourage him to seek counseling and also to invite him to and anti-violence against women event that I am co-hosting.
I also sent him a link to this awesome post on the Captain Awkward blog about “creepers and proto-rapists” and asked him to read it. That article inspired the conversation below.
To his credit, the man in question did not oppose me posting our correspondence publically. I have removed his name and other identifying characteristics. For the sake of her privacy, I will refer to the woman who made the initial rape allegation as “Jane,” which is not her real name. The order of some comments has been changed to preserve the continuity of a conversation that took place via instant message. Without further editorial comment, here is the conversation in almost its entirety.
Him: I have read your article about the creepers.
My first thought is that you spend a lot more time thinking about my dick and what I do with it than I ever have yours, which is a little hard to do sense yours is almost a public forum.
Second was to evaluate why you want me to read it. This is coming from Jane asking to crash at my place? Or more?
Me: Yes and more. Other women coming to me (unsolicited) with stories about you. Women have told me that they don’t want to come to my events because they saw you on my Facebook friends list and question how I could associate with someone like you. Please believe, I don’t go around asking women what they think of you. They bring this stuff to me. Women I didn’t even know you knew.
So, yes, it’s more than Jane, but when one of my best friends of 15 years says you fucked her in her sleep, that’s kind of significant in and of itself.
And, I can honestly say, I have never thought about your dick in anything but the abstract until just now. Thanks for that. But, come on, “you spend a lot more time thinking about my dick and what I do with it than I ever have yours” is a pretty lame response under the circumstances. Even from you.
MSNBC commentator, Krystal ball Another incredibly geeky conversation between me and my roommate. Me: Who’s that? Andy: Krystal Ball. Me: Her face is perfectly symmetrical. It’s like she was designed by Stanley Kubrick. Andy: She’s Kubrickian!
In which me and the folks at Modern Poly try to have a civilized conversation about polyamory with Steve Ward of VH1’s “Tough Love,” and fail, miserably. [Editor’s Note: The order of some comments has been changed to preserve continuity. Also, Twitter abbreviations have been expanded to full words. Every effort has been made to preserve the […]